He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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