So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
