I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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