HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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