Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
