They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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