bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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