I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
