All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
