'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
