I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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