well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
