did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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