Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
