She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
