just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
