i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
