so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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