I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
