Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
