Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
