My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
