True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
