The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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