it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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