Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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