you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
