just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
