Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?

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(270): View more from Kentucky

If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.

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(607): View more from New York

I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over

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(564): View more from Washington

He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns

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(515): View more from Iowa

Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.

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(406): View more from Montana

I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.

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(941): View more from Florida

I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit

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(815): View more from Illinois

I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.

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