that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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