Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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