Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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