we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
