Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
