Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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