Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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