I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My pussy is not your playground.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just invented taco cereal.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
