So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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