i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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