Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
