i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Randomize
