you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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