How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
