There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
