life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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