We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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