I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
