well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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