She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
