the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
