i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
