i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
