So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
