GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
