I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize