i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
