dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
