oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
