if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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