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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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