I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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