True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
