he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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