Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
