I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
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Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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