Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
