i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
