She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
