You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
