I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
