fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
