Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
