a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
